Tag: ptsd

September 26, 2024

EFT Therapy- easy and effective

Last night, I introduced my daughter to EFT therapy. Even just our first day with it and I saw how it could make a difference for her, so I then went live in my fb group last night to do a mini training with a quick demo for my group members. I thought today, I’d go further on here. I’m not an expert by any means, but six years ago, I started practicing EFT along with my hypnotherapy in order to treat my PTSD. I was taught by someone who had been trained and certified and I wanted to share how and what I learned as far as using it to help to get my anxiety and panic attacks under control.

What is EFT therapy?

EFT stands for Emotion-Focused Therapy or Emotional Freedom Technique. It uses a series of tapping combined with specific repeated phrases in order to help work with your emotions. It’s very affective with healing trauma, as your emotions play a large role in how you respond to triggers in your daily life.

Emotional Regulation is key for healing.

One of the biggest effects of EFT therapy is learning to regulate your emotions. This is a skill that is often learned by most people as they go through life, however those of us who are either neurodivergent or who have gone through trauma often struggle with it. Instead, we often feel things much more intensely than others and for longer periods of time. When it comes to negative things, like anxiety or fear or anger, this can be detrimental.

EFT helps us to learn how to regulate and navigate.

Through EFT, we can learn to understand our emotions and where they come from. Once we’re able to identify them, we’re able figure out what we are actually feeling and why. (This is especially important when dealing with emotions that surface as something else; for instance when you’re sad, you may have low energy or trouble finding interest in anything.) Once you’re able to figure this out, you are able to control how you are feeling a little bit more, and challenge the thoughts when needed in order to restore balance. You can even transform them into other emotions when needed by learning to deal with the triggers and reasons behind them.

The EFT tapping technique is quick but effective.

When I say ‘quick’, I don’t mean you do it once and you’re suddenly healed. This therapy can take weeks, years, or longer. However this technique is something that you can do for a few minutes and feel some relief. It’s sort of like acupuncture without the needles, hitting certain trigger points on your body while repeating certain thoughts or phrases over and over. This aids the mental-physical connection and helps you to take control. By zoning in on these certain trigger/energy points, you can help counter depression, anxiety, panic, fear, anger and more.

You can do it by yourself or with help.

I started out doing EFT while being guided by a trained therapist. He was able to teach me the tapping points and help me to figure out phrasing in order to make it the most effective. After a few sessions with him on how to do this, I was able to start doing it by myself just as effectively. This was super helpful for me… Since it only took a few minutes, I could literally pull my car over and do it to regain control if I felt a panic attack coming on. Even just knowing I had the ability to do this helped me immensely.

Start with your phrase.

So I’m sure there are different ways to do it, but the way that I learned was to start with figuring out what emotion is triggering you and why. Then you’re able to take it and form a phrase to work with it. For example, Even though this happened, I will be okay because I am strong. Adapt it to fit however you need, replacing ‘this’ with whatever situation effected you. Just make sure to acknowledge your pain point and to work in a way to accept it. Work with it rather than try to fight it.

Start tapping.

While repeating the phrase you created over and over in your head, you’re going to do a series of taps on specific areas of your body using two fingers. The top of your head, then the center of your forehead, just above the eyes, then the outer corners of both eyes, just below your nose, below your lips, your collarbone, and the heal of your hand.

I was taught to tap the same spot continuously while repeating the phrase three times. Once you have said it three times, move onto the next spot. Continue repeating this cycle until you’re feeling better and more regulated.

Reuse as needed.

Again, this isn’t a do it once and you’re cured type of situation. There are still times years later that I return to the technique to help balance my emotions. Healing isn’t linear and sometimes we can get hit with a wave of emotions and triggers after they’ve lain dormant for years! When that happens, I pull out my journal and write out what I’m feeling and figure out why in order to form my phrase. They I start tapping.

Have you tried it? Let me know how it worked for you!

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

September 12, 2024

Nature is healing.

Last night I did a quick nature focused mini-training in my facebook group and wanted to basically share the transcript here with you in case you might find it helpful as well. Basically, it comes down to a simple but powerful form of self care that is so easy, anyone can do it.

And that is spending time in nature.

If you’re an active member of the fb group, you may have seen where I mentioned a little bit about how healing nature can be earlier this week when a few members were talking about how draining life was feeling lately. Tonight I wanted to dive a little further into why it’s so powerful as well as provide some ideas and options to try. So whether you’re looking for a quick recharge or to have a big impact on your health, it’s totally possible with a little help from the great outdoors.

As someone who makes it a point to spend as much time outside as possible, I can absolutely attest to how much of an impact it can have.

And that goes for all ages too.

For example, a lot of people told me I was crazy when I told them I was going to take my two toddlers camping for a whole week, but I have never seen them as calm. Between hiking through the trees, eating our meals by a lake, interacting with wildlife every day, and sitting under the stars each night… it was such a great experience for the whole family and every single one of us came home feeling healthier and happier. But seven days in the woods can be a lot for some people so if that feels extreme, don’t worry. There are plenty of ways to embrace the healing power of nature from the safety of your own back yard or a nearby park, and it can be five minutes here and there instead of a whole week.

But before we get further into some options, I want to go further into the why.

As I said, nature can be a huge healing source when it comes to both your physical and mental health. Let’s start with your nervous system and stress. Did you know that there is a ton of research that shows that being in nature can lower levels of cortisol? Even something as simple as a walk in the park can lead to lower blood pressure and heart rate, meaning your stress levels come down.

And as that cortisol level is decreasing, your serotonin and dopamine levels are going up, which helps with regulating your emotions and mood stability, meaning less anxiety, sadness and depression.

Taking that short break from the demands of your daily life and spending the time outdoors instead can help to improve your cognitive function- from attention span to memory to problem solving skills, a quick nature break has been known to restore your energy and focus. The theory behind this is that nature provides effortless attention which restores mental fatigue. That combined with all of the happy hormones leads to a higher functioning brain.

And then there is the fact that physical activities like walking or hiking in nature lead to a better overall physical fitness.

This means improvements in your cardiovascular health, weight, muscle, and immune system. You’re also being exposed to more natural light which helps your circadian rythems, meaning a better sleep cycle. You naturally produce more melatonin which can help with things like insomnia and improve your sleep quality. This is huge for both your mental and physical health.

There’s also a lot of emotions that can come to the surface when you’re surrounded by nature- such as feelings of connection and belonging. Being more connected to the world around you can help with the way that you interact with people and studies have shown that when we interact with nature, we’re more likely to feel like we’re part of the community which reduces feelings of loneliness.

And then finally, there’s just a certain sense of peace that comes with being in nature.

No distractions, no hustle and bustle of regular life… you’re more likely to be present and mindful of what’s going on around you. It’s calming and can allow you to be more engaged in the moment which again, comes back to things like less stress and more calm.

So, what are some of the easiest ways to get out in nature so that you can start getting all of these benefits?

You can jump in headfirst like I do and take off for the woods for a week or two, or you can step into it a little more slowly. Start with a walk around the block or through a local park. Hike through trails or public gardens or state parks. Start a garden in your yard or on your porch or wherever you have the room. Or maybe even just eat your lunch outside- whether it’s at a picnic table or sitting at the base of a tree.

You can ride your bike or head out with your camera and take photos of what you see around you. If it’s dark out, you can sit by a fire or lay out and look at the stars. You can find a quiet grassy place to kick off your shoes and practice grounding or yoga or meditation. Head to the beach and walk through the sand, listening to the waves and appreciating the absolute power that is the ocean.

The possibilities are endless.

And you can start with just five minutes and work your way up to longer or have several mini nature breaks throughout the day or dive in with full days or weeks. Whatever works best for you, your circumstances and your needs. Its totally adaptable and a lot of the time, it can be free. The key part is to just do it often.

I’d love to hear if any of this resonates with you, what you’re favorite ways are to get out in nature, and of course, if you have any questions at all or are interested in coaching services, just reach out.

Have a wonderful night everyone. And get outside tomorrow.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

May 30, 2024

Trauma Secrets: Healing Without The Audience

You don’t have to share your trauma. You can if you want to, but you don’t have to. Whether you choose to keep it to yourself or share it with the world does not make it any more or less valid.

I do recommend having one person that you can talk to. Whether it’s a trusted friend or family member, a therapist, or even an anonymous forum… I know from experience that not opening up at all can lead to a full blown mental breakdown and can make it harder to heal. But my point is:

You don’t need to tell the world what happened to you in order to be allowed to fully feel it.

I have unfortunately been through a fair amount of trauma in my life. Some of it I have shared with friends, family and even strangers. Some of it I haven’t shared with anyone other than my therapist and my husband. My feelings about each situation are still equally valid.

I can’t remember where I read it, but someone said you need to share your trauma because it could be what saves someone else. And I get it- I know reading about other women who’ve been through what I’ve been through has helped me. The whole ‘not alone’ thing. You could totally be that person for someone else, and that’s awesome if you want to. I’m here to tell you that you do NOT have to. You are responsible for healing and taking care of yourself. You don’t need to be anyone else’s hero.

I’ve also read things like “Well it couldn’t have been that bad if she didn’t tell anyone.” That’s also complete bullshit.

Odds are, half of the shit you will read is bullshit.

A lot of the time, even the people who do share their trauma don’t necessarily share right away. A big reason is for some of us is that we are ingrained with a victim mentality and therefore convince ourselves that it was our fault or that we deserved the bad things that happened to us. Sometimes we feel shame, despite the fact that it wasn’t our fault. Maybe we’re in denial. Other times, it’s because we’re afraid of judgment or the way that people might look at us if they knew. They might think we were weak or stupid. Or maybe they’ll tell us we’re overreacting because other people have it worse. Sometimes talking about it makes it too real or can re-traumatize us.

A lot of the time, we’re just scared and find it hard to trust anyone.

There are a million different reasons that people choose not to share their trauma and every one of those reasons is valid. Whatever your reasons, it’s your story and you get to be the one to decide whether or not to tell it. The same way you get to decide how to feel it.

My point is, whether you make the decision to share or not to share, you’re making the right decision for you. Either way, your trauma is valid. Your feelings are valid and they matter. You don’t need to justify or explain why you feel the way you do. Heal at your own pace and do what feels right for you.

Don’t let anyone pressure you either way.

Again, I do recommend connecting with one person just to help you process. Before I finally did that, I bottled everything up inside and tried to pretend that it wasn’t real. I thought that if no one knew, than I could pretend it hadn’t happened and make it all go away. What ended up happening was that it kept building up inside me and I started having a really hard time keeping it all together. Panic attacks, constant crying and nightmares became my new normal and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Once I found the right person and was able to let it all out, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I had someone to help me navigate through the mine-field that my mind had become, but overall, I still kept my privacy.

That being said, sometimes even one person knowing what you went through can feel like too much. If that’s the case for you and you want to keep your trauma completely private, there are so many forums or anonymous groups online and I’ve found a couple of them to be very helpful in the past. If you really don’t want to talk to anyone, try journaling. Anything to help you not drown in your thoughts.

And as always, remember that you matter. Please don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

May 9, 2024

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.

A few years ago, I went through a trauma that really messed me up. Afterwards, it was like I lost all control of myself. I felt like I couldn’t breathe no matter what I did, and I couldn’t think about anything else. My entire body would shake, panic attacks were constant and I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing what had happened to me. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up screaming from the nightmares. It honestly felt like my whole world had been ripped apart.

Everything I thought I knew felt wrong and I was terrified all of the time. I had trouble finding motivation to get out of bed, lost interest in all of my hobbies, and moved through my life like a zombie for months. I’m pretty sure that everyone could tell that there was something wrong with me long before I was officially diagnosed with PTSD.

My husband convinced me to go to therapy and during my very first session, the therapist said something that changed everything.

“What happened to you was not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.”

At first, I was livid. Why was I the one that had to do the work when I was the one that got hurt? I wasn’t the one who made life-destroying choices, yet I was the only one suffering. How was that fair?

All I wanted was to go back home, crawl under the covers and continue shutting the world out. But as we talked through it, I realized that he was right. No one else was going to fix me. I could sit around and let myself drown in my misery, wishing things had been different, or I could work towards rebuilding. I’m really proud of myself for choosing to rebuild.

I’ll be honest with you; there are times where I’m still going through it.

I still have bad moments some days where I start thinking about the past and feeling bad for myself. Moments where I am suddenly terrified or angry or wracked with pain. But while they used to consume me every minute of every day, now they’re few and far between. I’m so much better than I was, and I’m continuing to get better. I’m building a life that fills me with joy and purpose. Because I am so much stronger than my trauma, and once I owned that, I was able to change everything.

Over the years, I have made some MAJOR changes in my life.

The most important change was becoming a mom. My daughter breathed a new life into me and motivated me to work even harder to heal and become stronger. And then my son increased that drive and made me even more determined. Every single moment with them is healing on it’s own.

On top of those little blessings, I cleaned house on all of my toxic relationships, set some major boundaries, and started learning about self-care and empowerment. The relationships that were good for me were strengthened and I found a whole new sense of self-worth. I also traveled, left my full-time job, started my own business, moved to a new state where I’ve been renovating my dream house, and started conneting with other women who want more out of life. I’ve taken a bunch of new classes and got certified in things that have interested me, participated in multiple summits for women who want to take their lives to the next level, learned new skills, and so much more.

Not bad for someone who just a few short years ago had pretty must lost the will to live, right?

The point of all of this?

Basically, I wanted to tell you that if you’ve been through something traumatic or scary or sad that wasn’t your fault…

You didn’t deserve it. How do I know? Because no one deserves to be traumatized. But even if you were a victim- even if you were just the collateral damage of someone else’s horrible choices- you still need to heal. You need to do it for you. That is your responsibility.

Don’t let them take your life from you. Don’t let them win.

Even if it seems like your world has ended and there is no hope of happier days, you need to try. Start with small goals and don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Some days, your goal might just be to get out of bed, and that’s okay. Heal at your own pace and start building a life that you love. I promise you, you will not regret it.

You are stronger than you think.

If you take nothing else from this, please just remember that you matter.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 18, 2024

Boundaries are an important part of self care.

I talk a lot about self love and self care. It’s really the whole premise of why I got into this business in the first place- to empower women to love themselves and treat themselves well. And so I wanted to write about boundaries, because in my opinion, that’s the most important version of self care that there is.

What are boundaries?

The simplest way I can think to explain boundaries would be rules for how you allow others to treat you. (And for how you treat yourself.) When you set boundaries, you’re telling the people around you what you will accept and what you won’t. They define your needs, your wants and your deal breakers. I firmly believe that these should be put into affect with every relationship in your life- romantic, friendship, professional, stranger, etc… (Though the boundaries you have with one person may be different from the ones you have with another.)

Boundaries are something that everyone should have.

It should be a given that everyone would have boundaries, but that isn’t always the case. For instance, I didn’t really have any boundaries at all for the first 29 years of my life. I’m an empath and I was a chronic people pleaser so I let people walk all over me and take advantage all of the time. It was rare that I stood up for myself or expressed my needs, and when I did, I felt guilty. It took me a really long time to realize how important boundaries were, and that they’re actually a necessity for every person looking to live a healthy life.

You’re allowed to say no.

The biggest change in going from someone without boundaries to someone with boundaries is realizing that you can say no. You don’t have to be everything for everyone anymore. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean that you have to. Even if it wouldn’t be that hard or you can do it better than someone else, you can still say no. But it isn’t limited to just saying no, I don’t want to do that. It also involves saying no, I will not allow that or no, I’m not going to think about this or even just plain no. No is a complete sentence.

At first, it might feel selfish.

This doesn’t mean that it is. But when you’re used to saying yes all of the time, no feels uncomfortable. Give it some time and some practice and you’ll be amazed at how easy it starts to become. Eventually, you’ll accept that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to you. You’ll realize that you have more time and energy that you can spend doing the things that you want to do rather than being stressed about situations you may have been guilted into. This doesn’t mean that you can never help anyone ever again- it means you get to decide. To pick and choose.

If you always say yes to everyone else and you allow people to get away with anything and everything regardless of how you feel, you will be the one that suffers. Odds are you will find yourself exhausted, stressed and maybe even resentful. You’ll probably burn out and not be able to help anyone at all after a while, and then you’ll have to watch as the users and abusers start to disappear and leave you to fall apart because they can no longer get what they need from you.

Boundaries are a way of valuing yourself.

By setting boundaries, you’re putting an emphasis on your values and your own beliefs. You’re standing up for yourself, asking to be treated well and not settling for anything less. By saying you won’t tolerate a certain type of behavior, you’re also saying that you know you deserve better. By stating what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you’re recognizing that your feelings and opinions matter. (This is important, because it’s true!) By enforcing your boundaries, you’re requiring respect from those around you. You’re stating that you are just as worthy as the next person of being treated with consideration.

Not all boundaries need to be rigid.

There are different types of boundaries depending on the situation. Some may be make or break, absolute requirements. Others may just require some discussion or be open to compromise. The easiest way to navigate this is communication.

By communicating your boundaries with the people involved in the situation, you can figure out the best way to move forward. You may have to take other people’s boundaries into account here as well. Sometimes, a compromise may be in order. Other times, maybe it’s best to just go your separate ways. Again, it depends on the situation.

How to set boundaries

The first step would be to look at your life currently. How do people talk to you? Touch you? Interact with you? Does any of this make you uncomfortable? If so, that would be a good indication that you need to set some new boundaries. Figure out what you are comfortable with as well as what makes you anxious and start making a list. What is okay and what is not? Maybe somethings are okay with one person, but not another. As you go through the different areas of your life, you may see a need for different boundaries. That’s perfectly okay. Figure out what’s already there and what needs to change. What do you want? And what do you need?

Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to communicate those wants and needs to the people around you.

Some people are going to give you a hard time. Some may be offended and maybe even get a little hostile. That my friends, is usually a giant red flag. In my experience, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are often the people who would benefit from crossing them. They don’t want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because it means that they have to change and can no longer take advantage of you.

On the flip side, there are going to be others in your life who will embrace your new boundaries. They may even applaud you for them! Even if the new rules require some changes and effort on their end, they’ll try for you. Those are your people. Hold onto them. Because these are the people who want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and to have what’s best for you.

Boundaries can be a neat little tool for figuring out who’s who.

Boundaries can change.

Your boundaries at 20 are going to look different than your boundaries at 30 and at 40 and so on. As you go through life, you will have different experiences, different challenges, different feelings, etc. The things you go through will change your wants and needs, which means you will have to adjust your boundaries. This is totally okay. You can literally wake up one day and decide you want something different. That just means you have to set a new boundary, and be sure to communicate it to the people in your life that may need to adjust a certain behavior or expectation.

It’s really important to show yourself some compassion and patience as you figure out what you want your boundaries to be and how to enforce them. But you do have to enforce them and have actual consequences! Otherwise, people will just keep crossing them and they will inevitably be pointless. By enforcing your boundaries, you’re choosing yourself. And that’s really the best choice you could make.

I hope you choose yourself today. You deserve it.

If you’re struggling with boundaries and would like someone to work one on one with you to move forward, I’d love to work with you. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 5, 2024

Choosing a Mantra: Your Intentional Guide

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you probably that I have a huge love for mantras, affirmations, and anything along those lines. Today I wanted to talk a little more about choosing a mantra and why it’s so great to have if you’re healing from PTSD, dealing with anxiety, struggling to stay focused, etc. I went live in my facebook group last night talking about choosing a mantra so I thought it made sense to come write about it here as well.

What is a mantra?

To put it simply, a mantra is a word or phrase used to help adjust your mindset and cause a certain thought to take root. This way, it can act as a guide for your thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions and reactions. Mantras have been used for ages to calm your mind, reduce stress, promote healing and help us get from Point A to Point B. (I’ve found that they can be especially helpful when healing from PTSD.)

How can a mantra help me?

A mantra can help different people in different ways. But one of the most common ways is to help to quiet the mind and reduce anxiety. That makes this really great to have in your pocket during trigger moments! When you repeat a mantra, you are focusing your mind on a single thought, which can help to quiet the other thoughts that may be causing anxiety, stress or distraction.

A mantra can help to create a sense of safety and security. For example, someone with PTSD might feel like the world is a dangerous and unpredictable place. By repeating a mantra that creates a sense of safety and security, such as “I am safe” or “I am protected,” you can begin to shift your perception of the world and feel more grounded. Similarly, someone who is feeling anxious might choose something like “I am capable” or “I can do this.”

A mantra can also help to promote healing. By repeating a mantra that promotes healing, such as “I am healing” or “I am getting better every day,” you can actually strengthen your belief in yourself and your ability to heal.

It’s important to make sure that whatever you choose feels right and powerful to you, so that it is easier to put your belief and energy behind it. The one I started with, that to be honest, I still return to when I’m feeling the need, is “Even though what happened happened, I will be okay because I am strong and I am healing.” So mine was a longer one and that worked really well for me, but you need to figure out what works best for you because different types of mantras are going to work in different ways for different people. It can also change over time. For instance, right now, my current mantra is “slow down.” It’s a very personal process.

How to use a mantra:Once you have chosen your mantra, here are some possible ways to use it:

Set your intentions.

What is it that you want to achieve? What are your goals for the mantra? Is it more self-compassion or stronger boundaries, learning to say no or maybe learning to say yes depending on the situation? Less nightmares or more positive connections? You want to create an association between this intention and your mantra so that you can stay connected. So keep this intention in the back of your mind as you repeat the mantra to yourself.

Now, this is where you have some options.

One way of doing it is to just start repeating it to yourself.

You can say it out loud, in your head, or write it down. You can set a timer for ten minutes and just sit there repeating it or you can go a more relaxed route of just saying it throughout the day when you feel stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Visuals and journaling

Create a visual of your mantra and put it somewhere that you’ll see often. It can be simple- just words on paper. Or it can be fancy and beautifully designed- whatever motivates you to look at it and take note of it. Also try writing it out again and again each day in your journal. Even if you don’t go back and read your journal entries, for many people, the simple act of writing something can help it take route deeper in your mind.

(As I mentioned in my word of the year post last week, as well as in my live training last night, I can help you to create a completely custom journal for this process, burning your mantra right into the cover! Just reach out to me if you’re interested!

Pay attention to the results

Once you’re repeating, writing, reading, hearing your mantra all the time, you want to make sure that you are paying attention to the way that you’re thinking and feeling. Notice how the mantra is effecting your life. Are you more focused and more present? Are you thinking more positively and strongly about yourself and the world around you? Making changes to be more in tune with who and where you want to be? Your mantra should be helping you to be more in touch with your goals and more in control of how you feel, act and react.

The right mantra is important.

Having a mantra can be super effective as long as you’re willing to do the work and make sure that you’re choosing the right one. Again, choose a mantra that resonates with you, set your intention, and then repeat repeat repeat.

If you need help creating the perfect mantra, you can either grab my free affirmations quiz or I have a training for that in my facebook group and I’d love to support you. Pop on over to get instant access, or shoot me a message for a direct link to the training. It’s a multi-part training that includes a lot of information about mantras, and I also guide you through two different methods of forming your perfect mantra. The goal is to leave the training with a mantra to try.

If you do create a mantra and give this a shot, feel free to come tell me how it’s working out for you because I would absolutely LOVE to hear all about it and help cheer you on.