Tag: healing

a piece of paper with the word no on soil with leaves and paints near it. green and gold background and title Boundaries are an important part of self care.

Boundaries are an important part of self care.

I talk a lot about self love and self care. It’s really the whole premise of why I got into this business in the first place- to empower women to love themselves and treat themselves well. And so I wanted to write about boundaries, because in my opinion, that’s the most important version of self care that there is.

What are boundaries?

The simplest way I can think to explain boundaries would be rules for how you allow others to treat you. (And for how you treat yourself.) When you set boundaries, you’re telling the people around you what you will accept and what you won’t. They define your needs, your wants and your deal breakers. I firmly believe that these should be put into affect with every relationship in your life- romantic, friendship, professional, stranger, etc… (Though the boundaries you have with one person may be different from the ones you have with another.)

Boundaries are something that everyone should have.

It should be a given that everyone would have boundaries, but that isn’t always the case. For instance, I didn’t really have any boundaries at all for the first 29 years of my life. I’m an empath and I was a chronic people pleaser so I let people walk all over me and take advantage all of the time. It was rare that I stood up for myself or expressed my needs, and when I did, I felt guilty. It took me a really long time to realize how important boundaries were, and that they’re actually a necessity for every person looking to live a healthy life.

You’re allowed to say no.

The biggest change in going from someone without boundaries to someone with boundaries is realizing that you can say no. You don’t have to be everything for everyone anymore. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean that you have to. Even if it wouldn’t be that hard or you can do it better than someone else, you can still say no. But it isn’t limited to just saying no, I don’t want to do that. It also involves saying no, I will not allow that or no, I’m not going to think about this or even just plain no. No is a complete sentence.

At first, it might feel selfish.

This doesn’t mean that it is. But when you’re used to saying yes all of the time, no feels uncomfortable. Give it some time and some practice and you’ll be amazed at how easy it starts to become. Eventually, you’ll accept that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to you. You’ll realize that you have more time and energy that you can spend doing the things that you want to do rather than being stressed about situations you may have been guilted into. This doesn’t mean that you can never help anyone ever again- it means you get to decide. To pick and choose.

If you always say yes to everyone else and you allow people to get away with anything and everything regardless of how you feel, you will be the one that suffers. Odds are you will find yourself exhausted, stressed and maybe even resentful. You’ll probably burn out and not be able to help anyone at all after a while, and then you’ll have to watch as the users and abusers start to disappear and leave you to fall apart because they can no longer get what they need from you.

Boundaries are a way of valuing yourself.

By setting boundaries, you’re putting an emphasis on your values and your own beliefs. You’re standing up for yourself, asking to be treated well and not settling for anything less. By saying you won’t tolerate a certain type of behavior, you’re also saying that you know you deserve better. By stating what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you’re recognizing that your feelings and opinions matter. (This is important, because it’s true!) By enforcing your boundaries, you’re requiring respect from those around you. You’re stating that you are just as worthy as the next person of being treated with consideration.

Not all boundaries need to be rigid.

There are different types of boundaries depending on the situation. Some may be make or break, absolute requirements. Others may just require some discussion or be open to compromise. The easiest way to navigate this is communication.

By communicating your boundaries with the people involved in the situation, you can figure out the best way to move forward. You may have to take other people’s boundaries into account here as well. Sometimes, a compromise may be in order. Other times, maybe it’s best to just go your separate ways. Again, it depends on the situation.

How to set boundaries

The first step would be to look at your life currently. How do people talk to you? Touch you? Interact with you? Does any of this make you uncomfortable? If so, that would be a good indication that you need to set some new boundaries. Figure out what you are comfortable with as well as what makes you anxious and start making a list. What is okay and what is not? Maybe somethings are okay with one person, but not another. As you go through the different areas of your life, you may see a need for different boundaries. That’s perfectly okay. Figure out what’s already there and what needs to change. What do  you want? And what do you need?

Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to communicate those wants and needs to the people around you.

Some people are going to give you a hard time. Some may be offended and maybe even get a little hostile. That my friends, is usually a giant red flag. In my experience, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are often the people who would benefit from crossing them. They don’t want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because it means that they have to change and can no longer take advantage of you.

On the flip side, there are going to be others in your life who will embrace your new boundaries. They may even applaud you for them! Even if the new rules require some changes and effort on their end, they’ll try for you. Those are your people. Hold onto them. Because these are the people who want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and to have what’s best for you.

Boundaries can be a neat little tool for figuring out who’s who.

Boundaries can change.

Your boundaries at 20 are going to look different than your boundaries at 30 and at 40 and so on. As you go through life, you will have different experiences, different challenges, different feelings, etc. The things you go through will change your wants and needs, which means you will have to adjust your boundaries. This is totally okay. You can literally wake up one day and decide you want something different. That just means you have to set a new boundary, and be sure to communicate it to the people in your life that may need to adjust a certain behavior or expectation.

It’s really important to show yourself some compassion and patience as you figure out what you want your boundaries to be and how to enforce them. But you do have to enforce them and have actual consequences! Otherwise, people will just keep crossing them and they will inevitably be pointless. By enforcing your boundaries, you’re choosing yourself. And that’s really the best choice you could make.

I hope you choose yourself today. You deserve it.


If you’re struggling with boundaries and would like someone to work one on one with you to move forward, I’d love to work with you. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

 

Blonde girl smiling, green and gold background, Ashley Pakulski, An Empowered Voice

Ashley Pakulski, An Empowered Voice

This week, I’d like to introduce you to Ashley Pakulski!

Ashley Pakulski, a devoted single mom to her daughter and cherished fur baby, calls Canada her home. As a dedicated Business and Mindset Coach, Ashley specializes in empowering mompreneurs who’ve embarked on their coaching journey. Her mission is clear: to help them conquer self-doubt, exude confidence, and magnetically draw in their dream clients, propelling them towards full-time business success.

Beyond coaching, Ashley shines as a captivating speaker and a bestselling author. Her unwavering belief is that a thriving business begins with a solid foundation in mindset and inner growth, paving the way for strategic success. Through this transformative work, inspired action becomes second nature, leading to the organic attraction of the right people to your business. Ashley is committed to turning the dreams of every mother entrepreneur into a reality.

What was your ‘Ever After’ moment? (The moment that changed everything)

My ‘Ever After’ moment was when I gave birth to my daughter. It was then I realized that for things in my life to change, I needed to change. That’s when my healing journey started. It wasn’t always smooth, but I understood that to give her the best life, it began with my own inner work, healing, and pursuing my passion.

What is a challenge that you have have faced and how did you overcome it? What did you learn along the way?

I faced significant challenges in my life, including trauma and addiction. Traditional therapy didn’t quite do it for me. I took matters into my own hands, delving into personal development and self-healing books. Establishing morning routines and attending AA meetings were key. I also had to let go of some people. Through this, I learned that challenges persist, but self-care and healing are daily practices. Loving yourself fully and confronting what holds you back leads to breakthroughs, making anything possible in life.

What is a practical strategy or tool that you have found most effective for achieving success and/or personal growth?

A practical strategy that’s been a game-changer for my success and personal growth is morning routines. They’re like an all-in-one package. Incorporating breakthrough work, meditation, affirmations, and journaling has been crucial. It helps regulate my nervous system, keeps me present, and reprograms my subconscious mind. This shift in focus and learning to let go of control has been transformative for me. I could talk about it endlessly!

How do you deal with self-doubt and limiting beliefs? What practices have you found helpful for building self-confidence?

Dealing with self-doubt and limiting beliefs is a vital ongoing process. Personally, I find listening to affirmations at night while I sleep incredibly helpful. Morning and night are prime times for effective visualization. With my clients, I encourage them to identify their “little lies,” and trace their origin and validity. Then, they replace them with empowering, believable statements, and actively seek evidence of their achievements. Building this foundation of strength leads to unstoppable confidence, where outside opinions matter less, and you become full of self-assurance.

What advice do you have for staying resilient in the face of adversity? How do you maintain a growth mindset and learn from failures?

The key is to keep moving forward. There will be days when you have to crawl, but keep your head held high. Amidst all the noise, stay focused on your goals and be your authentic self. Embrace mistakes as part of the learning process, nobody’s perfect. Just remember, if you stay hidden and stuck, you won’t grow. Take even a 1% step each day, and by year’s end, you’ll have moved mountains.

What are some common misconceptions people have about your area of expertise, and what would you like people to know?

A common misconception is downplaying the importance of mindset work, often dismissing it as fluff. While strategies are crucial, without the right mindset, sustained success is a challenge. Energy matters for sales and overall progress. Success isn’t just about strategies; it’s about nurturing your mindset and inner foundation. This work is continuous and essential—it doesn’t have an endpoint.

Is there anything else that you’d like to share?

Absolutely, I’d like to emphasize the importance of forward momentum. Learning comes from daily action, focusing on significant steps that make a real impact. Avoid looking back; it’s about moving ahead. Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so choose ones that empower and serve you best!

How can we connect with you?

@theashleypakulski

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Girl with dark hair, smiling, in front of trees, green and gold background, Megan Albrecht: An Empowered Voice

A Secret Way to Combat Depression- Guest post by Megan Albrecht

Hello everyone!  I’d like to introduce you to my friend Megan. Megan and I met when we both ended up in multiple sessions together during a women’s summit and realized we had a lot of common interests. Since then, we’ve been able to stay connected and I’ve learned so much from her! Not only is she brilliant, but also so brave, vulnerable and kind. I was absolutely thrilled when she showed interest in guest blogging, because I know everyone else could learn a lot from her as well. And so without further ado, here’s Megan’s guest post about fighting depression:

A Secret Way to Combat Depression

You are most likely aware of the foods to eat (or avoid), if you struggle with your mental health.  That’s becoming easy enough information to find online, thankfully.  I’m grateful for each and every tip when it comes to feeling my happiest.  I have battled Depression and Anxiety for most of my life.   One thing that I’ve found out lately, may come as a surprise to you.  It sure did, for me!  Not only does it matter what you put IN your body, it matters what you’re putting ON it, too.

I didn’t realize until lately that it takes less than 30 seconds for skincare products to be absorbed into the bloodstream.  Why is that important to know?  Because many different lotions, soaps, and makeup have ingredients that are very toxic.  When I first heard about toxins, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t too concerned.  I thought, so what if it causes Cancer?  Needless to say, I wasn’t in a healthy frame of mind.
The turning point for me came when I found a truly natural skincare company and swapped out the lotions and soaps I had been using for better options.  It was last Summer and I felt so happy and content for the first time in as long as I can remember.  I’ll tell you though, I didn’t make the connection at the time…

Slowly, I swapped other things out for our family.

Soon I found a better alternative to dish soap and laundry detergent.  After months of feeling really good for one of the first times in years, I ended up depressed and anxious again.  Why?  I realized after a few months that I had been using a cream on some pesky and persistent eczema that was filled with toxic ingredients!  This was dermatologist recommended, by the way.
The only way I realized, was when I quit using that and slowly began to feel more positive and upbeat again.  I was shocked!  No one had ever told me about the mood connection tied to skincare products…Not only that, but when I look for the information online now, I find next to nothing linking the two.

I realize that making swaps can feel daunting.

Especially if you’re already struggling with your mood.  It can almost feel like too much to worry about.  My recommendation is that when you’re ready to start swapping products out, do it one at a time.  When you are getting low on your body lotion, start looking for other healthier options.  I’d recommend starting to do research early so you have a new alternative well before running out of your old product.  If you need any help finding better products, I’m more than happy to help!
Find me on Instagram at Instagram.com/megan__albrecht

Here is a Cheat Sheet of ingredients you do NOT want in your products to get you started:

  • Sodium Lauryl Sulphate
  • Parabens
  • Fragrance
  • Mineral Oil
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Phthalates
  • Petrolatum
This list is not exhaustive, but a good starting point for you.  The easiest way to ensure products are truly safe is to know the ingredients listed and know WHAT exactly they each are.  You may want to look locally, first because many smaller companies use safer ingredients and are trying to get started!

I truly hope this information is empowering to you and you feel hopeful.

Because you should!  Once you begin this journey, it gets easier and you will feel happier.  I can almost guarantee it.  Safe and healthy healing to you!

  Megan Albrecht is a single mom and has recovered from Depression among other things. She helps women feel more confident, energetic, and happy through holistic mood support. She is fighting to bring an end to human trafficking.

Want to connect with Megan further? Find her here:

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