Author: daniellelapteff

a woman meditating outside, with a green and gold background and title stress, anxiety and meditation

Stress, anxiety, and meditation.

I wanted talk a little bit about something that affects most if not all of us- stress and anxiety.

More specifically, I want to talk about how it impacts our brains.

So if you aren’t aware, there has been a lot of research that has shown that chronic stress and anxiety can actually lead to shrinkage in certain areas of the brain, particularly the hippocampus. This is the part that largely responsible for things like memory and emotional regulation. This means that if we aren’t able to get our stress levels under control, it’s going to take a big toll on our overall well-being for sure.

You see, when we are experiencing stress, our bodies release a hormone called cortisol.

In small doses, cortisol can be helpful, like if you’re in danger and need to run. But when levels of cortisol stay elevated over time, it is actually dangerous because it can cause significant damage. Studies have shown that prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels can actually shrink the hippocampus, which means that it is affecting our ability to learn and remember. It also disrupts the connectivity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for things like decision-making and self-control.

So this means that you could end up in a vicious cycle where stress makes it harder to cope, leading to even more stress which makes it even harder, and so on.

If you find yourself suffering from long term or chronic stress and anxiety, there are some things you can do to help.

One thing I want to focus on in particular tonight is mediation.

The reason for this is that there have been studies which show that daily meditation can have big impacts on our brains too, but this time, the impact is a positive one. Daily meditation, even for just a few weeks, can actually increase the gray matter in the hippocampus, which improves memory and emotional regulation. Basically, the opposite of the stress. This also means you’re more able to be calm and have higher likelihood of happiness.

So not only does meditation help reduce stress, but it helps undo the negative effects of it too. Regular meditation actually enhances the prefrontal cortex, so you make better decisions, focus better, and have a lot more emotional resilience.

This sounds almost too good to be true, doesn’t it?  But not only is it true, but it’s easy to get started!

You can start super small- aim for five minutes a day. Then gradually increase that time as it feels comfortable. You want to do this in a calm space where you won’t be disturbed- maybe that’s at home or outside or where ever feels best for you. And then focus on your breath.  You know, inhale deeply, hold, and exhale slowly. Your mind will probably wander which is totally normal. Just acknowledge it and then bring your focus back to your breath.  You can choose to just purely focus on breathing or listening to the sounds around you, or put on calming music. You could focus on a mantra, phrase, word or prayer that you just repeat over and over again, or another route would be guided meditations.

For this, there are sooo many options that you can find online which makes it super easy to get started. There are actually a few posted in this group. (Let me know if you’d like a tag.) I also have a collection of them in the shop on my website as well and I can absolutely share that link if you’re interested. I also offer customized hypnotherapy meditation recordings if there’s a specific emotion, fear, thought or situation that you’re struggling with. Just shoot me a message if interested in that.

But overall, you just want to be consistent.

You can do it every morning to start your morning off with a positive tone or every night to unwind. Whatever works best with your schedule. But just by dedicating a few minutes each day, you’re committing to develop a healthier brain. This improve our resilience to stress, and enhance our overall quality and happiness of your life.

So what do you say? Are you going to give it a shot?

Or if you’re already someone who meditates, I’d love for you to share your experience or thoughts about it as well!

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

a woman's walking in the woods, with a green and gold background and title nature is healing

10 Self Care Options That Are (mostly) FREE!

Self care is something that everyone needs, but few people actually take the time to practice. Why is that? It’s a basic necessity, but most of the time we’re too busy or too tired or too wrapped up in other people. Or worse, we start seeing self care as selfish. In reality, self care is the opposite of selfish. Without it, you’ll burn out and be no good to anyone else anyway.

Self care isn’t just face masks, cucumbers over our eyes, and professional massages like we see on tv sometimes. There are a lot of different types- from the way you talk to yourself to the food you eat to the people that you surround yourself with. But for this post, I’m going to narrow it down to ten activities you can do that will help you to take care of you, and be your best happy self. The best part? They’re (mostly) free!

(I also went live in my facebook group the other night to talk about some of these)

  1. Journal
    • I’ve mentioned this in previous posts and I can guarantee that I’ll mention it in future ones. Journaling is a really great self care resource. Take all of the thoughts that are occupying space in your head and get them out on paper. This will help you to take stock of the things that are bothering you, process your feelings, and clear your mind. I especially like to do this before bed to quiet the noise so that I can sleep better.journal
  2. Dance it out
    • Nothing gets those endorphins pumping like moving your body. I have a playlist saved on my Alexa that I use every night when making dinner, so that I can dance around the kitchen like a fool. It gets my blood pumping, my heart rate up, and burns a few extra calories! I also like to play random dance music throughout the day for mini-dance parties with my daughter. Moving around to a great song with a fun beat helps shake off the troubles of the world and stretch out my muscles and it almost always gives me a little adrenaline rush.dance it out
  3. Bath with Epson salts and a lavender candle
    • A hot bath is so great for relaxing your muscles, and even more so if you add a little Epson salt to the mix. I also like to dim the lights and burn a lavender candle (My favorite candle for self-care is this Chesapeake Bay Serenity + Calm candle). The combination of low light, hot water and relaxing smell is a miracle worker after a long day. I swear sometimes I  can actually feel the stress leaving my body as I soak. bath
  4. Go for a walk.
    • Walking is a nice gentle workout that’s great for your body and mind, while easy on your joints. I like to try to walk for about 3-5 miles a day, but at a minimum I at least do a walk around the block (weather permitting). Getting your body moving is great for so many health conditions, and doing it outside lets you breathe in some fresh air, while exhaling some of that stress that has built up. Clear your mind and take in the trees, flowers, birds, and everything else you pass.  It’s another way to release endorphins and a nice easy way to burn calories. walk
  5. Call or text a friend or family member.
    • Sometimes all it takes to boost your mood is hearing the voice of someone that you care about. It’s also helpful to know that you’re not alone when you’re feeling down. Have a friend or family member or two on speed dial, and check in every once in a while. For me, when I need a dose of self care, I usually end up calling my mom or texting my older sister and it almost always gives me a little boost. It helps me to remember that there are people who care about me. text
  6. Take a nap.
    • Society has a way of making us feel like we always need to be doing something. It’s go-go-go all of the time! If you’re not staying busy, you’re lazy. Well, I say screw that. Sometimes you need to lay down and close your eyes and not feel guilty about it! You can’t pour from an empty cup and if you don’t give yourself some time when you’re tired, you’re going to burn out. Take a nap and then you can hit the ground running after you’ve recharged your batteries. nap
  7. Yoga
    • Yoga is one of the best physical types of self care that I’ve found so far. It’s great for stretching out your muscles and focusing on your breathing. You’ll burn calories, improve your balance and flexibility, and let some stress out. It can be hard at first if you’re not used to it, but after a while, it will be such a release!yoga
  8. drink water
    • This is one I didn’t take seriously enough for so long. I was always feeling bloated and I would get headaches. Then my doctor told me I was dehydrated. I started drinking a lot more water and the changes were incredible. I moved easier, my muscles didn’t hurt as much, and the headaches weren’t as bad. I also stopped holding so much water weight which led to more confidence.  *Just be careful not to overdue it. Weirdly enough, if you drink too much water, you’ll flush all of the electrolytes out of your system and end up dehydrated anyway. I’ve done this and the dizzy spells are a killer.water
  9. Treat yourself to your favorite dessert.
    • Every once in a while, let yourself indulge without feeling guilty about it. For me, that indulgence looks like soft serve vanilla ice cream with sprinkles. Few things make me happier, and I think that means letting myself have it is a form of self care. I’m not about to ruin that with feeling guilty about the unhealthiness or extra calories. It’s not like I do it every night- I deserve a treat every once in a while. And so do you!ice cream
  10. Read:
    • One of my absolute favorite things to do is to get cozy on my couch with a soft blanket, a cup of hot tea, and a really good book. It’s the best way to lose myself- transport into another world and let myself get absorbed into the characters’ lives. I’m able to separate from myself and whatever is going on around me. Sometimes, that’s all I really need. (This is and has pretty much always been my favorite type of ‘me time’.)read

 

What do you think? Do any of these sound like an activity you can get behind? Or maybe they made you think of another type of self care that might be beneficial for you? Which ever the case, just make sure that you are making yourself a priority because I promise you, you deserve it!!

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

a woman's chin with her finger tapping on it, with a green and gold background and title nature is healing

EFT Therapy- easy and effective

Last night, I introduced my daughter to EFT therapy. Even just our first day with it and I saw how it could make a difference for her, so I then went live in my fb group last night to do a mini training with a quick demo for my group members. I thought today, I’d go further on here.  I’m not an expert by any means, but six years ago, I started practicing EFT along with my hypnotherapy in order to treat my PTSD.  I was taught by someone who had been trained and certified and I wanted to share how and what I learned as far as using it to help to get my anxiety and panic attacks under control.

What is EFT therapy?

EFT stands for Emotion-Focused Therapy or Emotional Freedom Technique. It uses a series of tapping combined with specific repeated phrases in order to help work with your emotions. It’s very affective with healing trauma, as your emotions play a large role in how you respond to triggers in your daily life.

Emotional Regulation is key for healing.

One of the biggest effects of EFT therapy is learning to regulate your emotions. This is a skill that is often learned by most people as they go through life, however those of us who are either neurodivergent or who have gone through trauma often struggle with it. Instead, we often feel things much more intensely than others and for longer periods of time. When it comes to negative things, like anxiety or fear or anger, this can be detrimental.

EFT helps us to learn how to regulate and navigate.

Through EFT, we can learn to understand our emotions and where they come from. Once we’re able to identify them, we’re able figure out what we are actually feeling and why. (This is especially important when dealing with emotions that surface as something else; for instance when you’re sad, you may have low energy or trouble finding interest in anything.) Once you’re able to figure this out, you are able to control how you are feeling a little bit more, and challenge the thoughts when needed in order to restore balance. You can even transform them into other emotions when needed by learning to deal with the triggers and reasons behind them.

The EFT tapping technique is quick but effective.

When I say ‘quick’, I don’t mean you do it once and you’re suddenly healed. This therapy can take weeks, years, or longer. However this technique is something that you can do for a few minutes and feel some relief. It’s sort of like acupuncture without the needles, hitting certain trigger points on your body while repeating certain thoughts or phrases over and over. This aids the mental-physical connection and helps you to take control. By zoning in on these certain trigger/energy points, you can help counter depression, anxiety, panic, fear, anger and more.

You can do it by yourself or with help.

I started out doing EFT while being guided by a trained therapist. He was able to teach me the tapping points and help me to figure out phrasing in order to make it the most effective. After a few sessions with him on how to do this, I was able to start doing it by myself just as effectively. This was super helpful for me… Since it only took a few minutes, I could literally pull my car over and do it to regain control if I felt a panic attack coming on. Even just knowing I had the ability to do this helped me immensely.

Start with your phrase.

So I’m sure there are different ways to do it, but the way that I learned was to start with figuring out what emotion is triggering you and why. Then you’re able to take it and form a phrase to work with it. For example, Even though this happened, I will be okay because I am strong. Adapt it to fit however you need, replacing ‘this’ with whatever situation effected you. Just make sure to acknowledge your pain point and to work in a way to accept it. Work with it rather than try to fight it.

Start tapping.

While repeating the phrase you created over and over in your head, you’re going to do a series of taps on specific areas of your body using two fingers. The top of your head, then the center of your forehead, just above the eyes, then the outer corners of both eyes, just below your nose, below your lips, your collarbone, and the heal of your hand.

I was taught to tap the same spot continuously while repeating the phrase three times. Once you have said it three times, move onto the next spot. Continue repeating this cycle until you’re feeling better and more regulated.

Reuse as needed.

Again, this isn’t a do it once and you’re cured type of situation. There are still times years later that I return to the technique to help balance my emotions. Healing isn’t linear and sometimes we can get hit with a wave of emotions and triggers after they’ve lain dormant for years! When that happens, I pull out my journal and write out what I’m feeling and figure out why in order to form my phrase. They I start tapping.

Have you tried it? Let me know how it worked for you!

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links. (And of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions!)

a woman from behind looking out trees, with a green and gold background and title nature is healing

Nature is healing.

Last night I did a quick nature focused mini-training in my facebook group and wanted to basically share the transcript here with you in case you might find it helpful as well. Basically, it comes down to a simple but powerful form of self care that is so easy, anyone can do it.

And that is spending time in nature.

If you’re an active member of the fb group, you may have seen where I mentioned a little bit about how healing nature can be earlier this week when a few members were talking about how draining life was feeling lately. Tonight I wanted to dive a little further into why it’s so powerful as well as provide some ideas and options to try. So whether you’re looking for a quick recharge or to have a big impact on your health, it’s totally possible with a little help from the great outdoors.

As someone who makes it a point to spend as much time outside as possible, I can absolutely attest to how much of an impact it can have.

And that goes for all ages too.

For example, a lot of people told me I was crazy when I told them I was going to take my two toddlers camping for a whole week, but I have never seen them as calm. Between hiking through the trees, eating our meals by a lake, interacting with wildlife every day, and sitting under the stars each night… it was such a great experience for the whole family and every single one of us came home feeling healthier and happier.  But seven days in the woods can be a lot for some people so if that feels extreme, don’t worry. There are plenty of ways to embrace the healing power of nature from the safety of your own back yard or a nearby park, and it can be five minutes here and there instead of a whole week.

But before we get further into some options, I want to go further into the why.

As I said, nature can be a huge healing source when it comes to both your physical and mental health. Let’s start with your nervous system and stress. Did you know that there is a ton of research that shows that being in nature can lower levels of cortisol? Even something as simple as a walk in the park can lead to lower blood pressure and heart rate, meaning your stress levels come down.

And as that cortisol level is decreasing, your serotonin and dopamine levels are going up, which helps with regulating your emotions and mood stability, meaning less anxiety, sadness and depression.

Taking that short break from the demands of your daily life and spending the time outdoors instead can help to improve your cognitive function- from attention span to memory to problem solving skills, a quick nature break has been known to restore your energy and focus. The theory behind this is that nature provides effortless attention which restores mental fatigue. That combined with all of the happy hormones leads to a higher functioning brain.

And then there is the fact that physical activities like walking or hiking in nature lead to a better overall physical fitness.

This means improvements in your cardiovascular health, weight, muscle, and immune system. You’re also being exposed to more natural light which helps your circadian rythems, meaning a better sleep cycle. You naturally produce more melatonin which can help with things like insomnia and improve your sleep quality. This is huge for both your mental and physical health.

There’s also a lot of emotions that can come to the surface when you’re surrounded by nature- such as feelings of connection and belonging. Being more connected to the world around you can help with the way that you interact with people and studies have shown that when we interact with nature, we’re more likely to feel like we’re part of the community which reduces feelings of loneliness.

And then finally, there’s just a certain sense of peace that comes with being in nature.

No distractions, no hustle and bustle of regular life… you’re more likely to be present and mindful of what’s going on around you. It’s calming and can allow you to be more engaged in the moment which again, comes back to things like less stress and more calm.

 

So, what are some of the easiest ways to get out in nature so that you can start getting all of these benefits?

You can jump in headfirst like I do and take off for the woods for a week or two, or you can step into it a little more slowly. Start with a walk around the block or through a local park. Hike through trails or public gardens or state parks. Start a garden in your yard or on your porch or wherever you have the room. Or maybe even just eat your lunch outside- whether it’s at a picnic table or sitting at the base of a tree.

You can ride your bike or head out with your camera and take photos of what you see around you. If it’s dark out, you can sit by a fire or lay out and look at the stars. You can find a quiet grassy place to kick off your shoes and practice grounding or yoga or meditation.  Head to the beach and walk through the sand, listening to the waves and appreciating the absolute power that is the ocean.

The possibilities are endless.

And you can start with just five minutes and work your way up to longer or have several mini nature breaks throughout the day or dive in with full days or weeks.  Whatever works best for you, your circumstances and your needs. Its totally adaptable and a lot of the time, it can be free. The key part is to just do it often.

I’d love to hear if any of this resonates with you, what you’re favorite ways are to get out in nature, and of course, if you have any questions at all or are interested in coaching services, just reach out.

Have a wonderful night everyone. And get outside tomorrow.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

a womans hand holding a sparkler, with a green and gold background and title REBT rational emotive behavioral therapy certified

REBT Certified!

Hey everyone,

I know it’s been a bit since I’ve posted. I had to do some prioritizing this summer because I took on another class and it was very time consuming, but I didn’t want to sacrifice the quality time with my family, self care, or being able to give my current clients my full focus. That meant that the free live trainings and blog posts had to sort of take a back seat for a while. However, I finished my courses and trainings this past week and am now OFFICIALLY REBT certified so I’ll now have more time to get back on track. I’ll be away next week, but after that, I plan to be much more active. So thank you for sticking with me.

On that note, I wanted to give a brief intro to REBT in case you’re not familiar with it.

Basically, REBT stands for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy which is basically a way to identify and change irrational beliefs that lead to things anxiety, distress, self sabotage, people pleasing and negative reactions. Essentially, it goes off of the foundation that our emotions and behaviors are influenced by our beliefs, not by events themselves. For example, if you believe that you have to be perfect to be valued, failing at something might lead to excessive self-criticism and anxiety which could then also affect the choices you make as you move forward and negatively impact your life. REBT helps to challenge these beliefs, and replace them with more rational ones, which helps to develop healthier emotional responses and behaviors. It’s also changing absolutes into preferences. For example, rather than everyone HAS to love me in order for me to be okay, it’s I’d like it if everyone loved me, but I’ll survive if they don’t.

So when it comes down to it, it’s about changing the way you think in order to have a more fulfilling and less stressful life.

So I’m going to work a little bit of this into some of my live trainings and then of course, I’ll be fully integrating it into my coaching packages for those who are interested. I’m really excited about this because of the ways it’s personally impacted me, so if you have any interest or questions or anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Have you ever heard of REBT before?

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

a woman from behind looking out a window, with a green and gold background and title trauma secrets: healing without the audience

Trauma Secrets: Healing Without The Audience

You don’t have to share your trauma. You can if you want to, but you don’t have to. Whether you choose to keep it to yourself or share it with the world does not make it any more or less valid.

I do recommend having one person that you can talk to. Whether it’s a trusted friend or family member, a therapist, or even an anonymous forum…  I know from experience that not opening up at all can lead to a full blown mental breakdown and can make it harder to heal. But my point is:

You don’t need to tell the world what happened to you in order to be allowed to fully feel it.

I have unfortunately been through a fair amount of trauma in my life. Some of it I have shared with friends, family and even strangers. Some of it I haven’t shared with anyone other than my therapist and my husband. My feelings about each situation are still equally valid.

I can’t remember where I read it, but someone said you need to share your trauma because it could be what saves someone else. And I get it- I know reading about other women who’ve been through what I’ve been through has helped me. The whole ‘not alone’ thing. You could totally be that person for someone else, and that’s awesome if you want to. I’m here to tell you that you do NOT have to. You are responsible for healing and taking care of yourself. You don’t need to be anyone else’s hero.

I’ve also read things like “Well it couldn’t have been that bad if she didn’t tell anyone.” That’s also complete bullshit.

Odds are, half of the shit you will read is bullshit.

A lot of the time, even the people who do share their trauma don’t necessarily share right away. A big reason is for some of us is that we are ingrained with a victim mentality and therefore convince ourselves that it was our fault or that we deserved the bad things that happened to us. Sometimes we feel shame, despite the fact that it wasn’t our fault. Maybe we’re in denial. Other times, it’s because we’re afraid of judgment or the way that people might look at us if they knew. They might think we were weak or stupid.  Or maybe they’ll tell us we’re overreacting because other people have it worse. Sometimes talking about it makes it too real or can re-traumatize us.

A lot of the time, we’re just scared and find it hard to trust anyone.

There are a million different reasons that people choose not to share their trauma and every one of those reasons is valid. Whatever your reasons, it’s your story and you get to be the one to decide whether or not to tell it. The same way you get to decide how to feel it.

My point is, whether you make the decision to share or not to share, you’re making the right decision for you. Either way, your trauma is valid. Your feelings are valid and they matter. You don’t need to justify or explain why you feel the way you do. Heal at your own pace and do what feels right for you. 

Don’t let anyone pressure you either way.

Again, I do recommend connecting with one person just to help you process. Before I finally did that, I bottled everything up inside and tried to pretend that it wasn’t real. I thought that if no one knew, than I could pretend it hadn’t happened and make it all go away. What ended up happening was that it kept building up inside me and I started having a really hard time keeping it all together. Panic attacks, constant crying and nightmares became my new normal and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Once I found the right person and was able to let it all out, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I had someone to help me navigate through the mine-field that my mind had become, but overall, I still kept my privacy.

That being said, sometimes even one person knowing what you went through can feel like too much. If that’s the case for you and you want to keep your trauma completely private, there are so many forums or anonymous groups online and I’ve found a couple of them to be very helpful in the past. If you really don’t want to talk to anyone, try journaling. Anything to help you not drown in your thoughts.

And as always, remember that you matter. Please don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

a woman looking away, with a green and gold background and title trauma is not your fault but healing is your responsibility

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.

A few years ago, I went through a trauma that really messed me up. Afterwards, it was like I lost all control of myself. I felt like I couldn’t breathe no matter what I did, and I couldn’t think about anything else. My entire body would shake, panic attacks were constant and I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing what had happened to me. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up screaming from the nightmares. It honestly felt like my whole world had been ripped apart.

Everything I thought I knew felt wrong and I was terrified all of the time. I had trouble finding motivation to get out of bed, lost interest in all of my hobbies, and moved through my life like a zombie for months. I’m pretty sure that everyone could tell that there was something wrong with me long before I was officially diagnosed with PTSD.

My husband convinced me to go to therapy and during my very first session, the therapist said something that changed everything.

“What happened to you was not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.”

At first, I was livid. Why was I the one that had to do the work when I was the one that got hurt? I wasn’t the one who made life-destroying choices, yet I was the only one suffering.  How was that fair?

All I wanted was to go back home, crawl under the covers and continue shutting the world out. But as we talked through it, I realized that he was right. No one else was going to fix me. I could sit around and let myself drown in my misery, wishing things had been different, or I could work towards rebuilding. I’m really proud of myself for choosing to rebuild.

I’ll be honest with you; there are times where I’m still going through it.

I still have bad moments some days where I start thinking about the past and feeling bad for myself. Moments where I am suddenly terrified or angry or wracked with pain.  But while they used to consume me every minute of every day, now they’re few and far between. I’m so much better than I was, and I’m continuing to get better. I’m building a life that fills me with joy and purpose. Because I am so much stronger than my trauma, and once I owned that, I was able to change everything.

Over the years, I have made some MAJOR changes in my life.

The most important change was becoming a mom. My daughter breathed a new life into me and motivated me to work even harder to heal and become stronger. And then my son increased that drive and made me even more determined. Every single moment with them is healing on it’s own.

On top of those little blessings, I cleaned house on all of my toxic relationships, set some major boundaries, and started learning about self-care and empowerment. The relationships that were good for me were strengthened and I found a whole new sense of self-worth. I also traveled, left my full-time job, started my own business, moved to a new state where I’ve been renovating my dream house, and started conneting with other women who want more out of life. I’ve taken a bunch of new classes and got certified in things that have interested me, participated in multiple summits for women who want to take their lives to the next level, learned new skills, and so much more.

Not bad for someone who just a few short years ago had pretty must lost the will to live, right?

The point of all of this?

Basically, I wanted to tell you that if you’ve been through something traumatic or scary or sad that wasn’t your fault…

You didn’t deserve it. How do I know? Because no one deserves to be traumatized. But even if you were a victim- even if you were just the collateral damage of someone else’s horrible choices- you still need to heal. You need to do it for you. That is your responsibility.

Don’t let them take your life from you. Don’t let them win.

Even if it seems like your world has ended and there is no hope of happier days, you need to try. Start with small goals and don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Some days, your goal might just be to get out of bed, and that’s okay. Heal at your own pace and start building a life that you love. I promise you, you will not regret it.

You are stronger than you think.

If you take nothing else from this, please just remember that you matter.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

barefeet in the grass with flowers, a green and gold background and the words Grounding for your health.

Grounding for your health

Have you ever heard of grounding?

With the weather finally warming up, the kids and I have been doing a lot of it. So much so that my daughter thought it was BEYOND strange when my mom came to visit and told her to put shoes on to play out back. That combined with how much I think grounding has helped me, especially while dealing with grief over the last two weeks, made me want to share about the why and how so that you can reap the benefits too.

First I’ll start with the why.

Grounding is amazing for mental and physical health. It’s a way to reconnect with the world and with nature that leads to less stress, lower blood pressure and better immune health. The process itself involves transferring electrons from the earth to your body, which helps with inflammation, circulation and even your sleep quality. Depending on how you do it, it can mean more exercise which means more endorphins while also building muscle. And then of course, there’s the vitamin D boost, the fresh air, and the peaceful feelings.  Some other benefits include better mental clarity, more creativity, and a more regulated nervous system.

How to get started:

  • Set aside 30 minutes to an hour.
  • Find a place in nature that calms you… a park, the woods, the beach, your backyard…
  • Observe your surroundings and try to clear your mind so that you can engage your senses.
  • Stand barefoot in the grass, dirt or sand. Feel the texture beneath your feet.
  • Listen to the sounds and take deep breathes of that nice fresh air.
  • You can add in a walk (remaining barefoot), meditate, do yoga, etc.
  • Just focus on feeling the ground under your feet, let go of everything weighing on you and embrace the beauty of the world around you.

It’s an easy way to get some amazing benefits.

It really is that simple. The hardest part is just being patient with yourself. Allow yourself to relax, grow and heal. If you start to get distracted or frustrated, just acknowledge it and try again. But this simple practice can really help you to draw strength from nature and to feel more at peace. If you have tried grounding before, I’d love to know how it worked for you and your favorite place to do it.

If not, let me know if you give it a shot! And of course, I’m here if you have any questions or would like some additional support of guidance along the way.

And of course, a reminder that if you need a little extra support, I’m your girl. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

 

a woman's hands holding a journal and pen with a green and gold background and title affirmations: you get to choose how they work

Affirmations: You get to choose how they work.

Every thought is an affirmation. If you’re constantly repeating things to yourself that paint you or your life in a negative light, you’re going to see everything negatively. You’re going to bury those thoughts further and further into your brain, until they’re true. Because you believe them and therefore act accordingly. However the opposite is true. If you’re constantly saying and telling yourself good things, those are the thoughts that are going to take root and affect what you say, do and believe. That’s what makes them affirmations.

So I am challenging you to make your affirmations positive.

Choose thoughts to repeat to yourself that are going to program your mind for success. Let them help you stay focused and motivated on your goals, and increase your self-confidence.

When actively and intentionally using positive affirmations, choose statements that are in the present tense. I am achieving my goals. I am worthy of success and happiness. For the best results, be consistent and repeat the same affirmations often.  Keep them realistic.  Use them to remind yourself of what you’re doing and what you’re looking to achieve. I am taking steps to achieve my goals. I am doing the work to be more financially stable or emotionally stable or in better shape.

Don’t just say the words and think it’s going to change things. Put your heart into it. Choose to believe the things you are saying so that you can make it a reality. Make sure it resonates with who you want to be and what you want to achieve. Put feeling into it. Use confidence and conviction.

I also recommend saying them out loud, as well as writing them down.  Write them in your journal or put them somewhere you’ll see often. Say them to your reflection or just put it out there in the world. Let your mind really take it in.

And remember, all changes take time.

Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself as you work towards a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Even on hard days, remember what it is that you want. Who you want to be. And then believe in yourself and your ability to make it happen.

If you’re in need of some additional guidance…

Here’s a little reminder that I do offer one-on-one coaching and I am currently taking clients. You can also check out my website (www.daniellelapteff.com) for a free quiz to help you figure out what sort of affirmations might help you the most with where you’re at right now. I also have a free download where you can grab a bunch of different affirmations to incorporate for empowerment, as well as some visual affirmation options in my shop. Just let me know if you have any questions or are looking for specific links. You can also use this group to get more support- just comment on this video or on the main feed, shoot me a dm, etc.

And of course, I’d love to hear if any of this resonates with you, if you’ve had success with affirmations in the past, if you have a favorite affirmation or process that you use in your own life… Let me know!

a woman with here hainds in the air in front of a mountain with a green and gold background and title building your self-confidence

Building your self-confidence

I went live in my facebook group this morning to talk about self-confidence after it was mentioned to me by a few different members of the group as well as from a past client. Low self-confidence is an issue that affects many of us, but it doesn’t have to. That’s why I wanted to share a few options with you to help kick those doubts to the curb.

When it comes to building self-confidence, I usually go right for mindset work, meditation and journaling. I’ll start off by briefly mentioning that I do have a couple of paid but affordable options, and then I’ll go into more detail with a whole lot of free things that you can try.

Paid options:

So for the paid things, I have a guided journal that I created to help with self-doubt and self-limiting beliefs which is on amazon.  It has exercises, prompts, etc to help to build confidence and self-belief. And then on my website, I have a guided meditation which is to build up things like confidence as well as lessoning stress and increasing self compassion which all tie into each other.

You can find my guided journals on amazon here.  And my website shop here.

You can also check out my website for things like affirmation downloads or reach out to me about coaching if you want something more hands on.

But now onto the free things that you can try.

For most of these, I still use a journal, but not a guided one. It can just be a blank journal or scrap paper, a notes ap or word doc. Just something to be able to write things down.

First, basic self-care like nutrition and getting enough quality sleep.

It might not seem like it would be connected, but it affects the way your brain processes everything, how you focus, how you feel, etc.  So if you’re doing better physically and mentally, it’s going to affect your mindset and your confidence for sure.

Give yourself grace/self compassion.

Basically, don’t be so hard on yourself. Think about how you would treat a friend and apply that to you. This is one that I’ve done a lot and recommended to my mom… write down whatever you’re struggling with and then go back and read it as if a friend wrote it. You can make someone up or think of someone in particular. And then write a letter back as if you were talking to that friend. So for example, look at whatever you wrote and pretend my mom wrote it and think of how you would answer her. Then once you’ve written the response, go back and read it as you again. Often, we’re a lot kinder and more supportive to the people we care about than to ourselves, so this is sort of a way to trick our minds into being more supportive of ourselves.

Challenge your negative thoughts.

If you have a doubt or negative thought or something holding you back, write it down. Then try to list any reasons that this thought is true.  Then re-write it as a positive thought challenging it and list the reasons that it is or could be true. This helps to get rid of unfounded doubts that often have no real basis or are really other people’s voices in our heads.

You can also try giving that negative voice in your head a different name.

This helps so that you can separate it from yourself. This sounds silly, but it’s effective for a lot of people. For example, let’s call it bob.  Every time you start to have the negative thought or doubt, you can actually say out loud, be quiet bob. I know I can do this.

Set smaller, realistic goals.

Rather than focusing only on the big picture which can be intimidating or overwhelming, focus on the next small thing you can do. What is an achievable step in the right direction?  And then make sure to celebrate the success! Doesn’t have to be a party (though it could be) but do something to acknowledge the accomplishment. A happy dance, an excited call to a friend, a piece of chocolate, etc.

Focus on your strengths.

Make a list of the things you love about yourself, skills that you’re proud of, areas where you didn’t quit and saw success. If you can’t think of any, ask friends or loved ones and write them down. You can even word it as what words come to mind when you think of me or what would you say I’m good at, etc. (I did this a few years ago and I was really nervous at first that it would look like I was fishing for compliments or something, but the people I reached out to were very quick to send me a few things each that made me realize more about myself than I had before. It was a very cool experience.) write these down and keep the list in a place that’s easy to reference on days where you need a reminder of your amazingness. Add to it as often as you feel called to.

Affirmations

You can use affirmations in so many ways. Print them out and put them somewhere you’ll see often, include them in a meditation, say them out loud as part of a morning or bedtime routine, etc… you want them to be something like “I am” and then whatever belief you’re trying to instill. Ex, I am confident. I am capable. Make it part of your daily life and your brain will start to recognize it as part of who you are.

Support system

Reach out to your friends, your family, a coach, etc… (feel free to post in my group whenever too) remember that you are not alone. If you have people who are constantly pulling you down or making you feel like you can’t do things, consider implementing firmer boundaries with them or some space. Notice who hypes you up, supports you, encourages or makes you feel better and nurture those relationships more.

Be willing to ‘fail’.

I’m using quotations for fail because I don’t really consider it to be a failure to try something new or to get it wrong as long as you don’t just give up. No one is perfect and expecting perfection is one of the quickest ways to get down on yourself. So this kind of goes back to giving yourself grace and compassion- realize that everyone makes mistakes or has a learning curve. And that it’s okay. That’s why we practice, start again, call on mentors, etc.  Replace the ‘I failed’ mentality with ‘I didn’t get it yet but I can try again.’ Or something along those lines that resonates. But you can’t succeed if you never start.

Hopefully these are helpful. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or want to talk about any of these further or whatever.