Month: January 2024

January 25, 2024

Set boundaries for how you treat yourself

Last week, I spoke about boundaries and how they are a necessity when it comes to self-care. I wanted to expand on that, because while the boundaries you set for the relationships in your life are crucial, so are the boundaries you set for self-treatment. So today, I’m focusing on those. This ranges from things like your routines to self-talk and more.

Just like the boundaries we set in relationships, personal boundaries for how we treat ourselves are important for building a healthier and more fulfilling life. I believe they are the foundation for almost every area of our lives and determining how things will play out.

Ditch the negative self-talk:

The first step I recommend in self-boundaries would be addressing negative self-talk. Set limits on your self-criticism and establish a positive internal dialogue. Pay attention so that you can recognize harmful thoughts and actively replace them with affirmations. Remember, the things you say and think directly affect the things you feel and believe. This means that curbing that negative self-talk can greatly improve your quality of life. And so a commitment to speak to yourself with kindness and compassion is a great start to setting your boundaries with yourself.

Prioritizing self-care over neglect:

Next, I’d say to set clear boundaries between self-care and self-neglect. Figure out the things that genuinely rejuvenate your mind and body, and commit to making time for them. Whether it’s a relaxing bath, reading a book, or practicing mindfulness and meditation, these moments need to be non-negotiable. You don’t need to be ‘busy’ all of the time. You just need to be intentional.

Make sure you’re getting quality sleep:

Moving on to your quality of sleep; this is a really important one. Set a consistent sleep schedule, create a bedtime routine, and make getting a good night’s sleep a priority. By setting this boundary with yourself to guarantee that you get the rest you need, you’re investing in both your mental and physical health which means you’ll feel better and even be more productive. Some other bonuses from this are better cognitive function and emotional resilience.

Find a balance with work and personal life:

Another big boundary to set is the separation or balance between work and personal time. This is especially important for entrepreneurs who often work crazy hours at crazy times. Overworking can lead to burnout and compromise your overall well-being. So it makes sense that we need to be firm on setting limits. Learn to say no to excessive work demands and create a schedule that allows for both productivity and relaxation. Also make sure that you’re getting some ‘me time’ every single day.

Pay attention to your nutrition.

Setting boundaries around nutrition involves making conscious choices about what you consume. Prioritize nourishing your body with wholesome foods, and establish limits on indulgences that are negatively affecting you. Listen to your body’s signals and respond with mindful eating. This might mean a little more time, effort or work, but the convenient and quick solutions are not always the answer. By making sure that your body is getting the nutrients that you need, you’ll feel better and have more energy. Odds are you’ll probably also see positive effects on things like your hair and your skin when you’re making sure that you’re getting the proper nutrition, along with less aches in your muscles and joints. Your mood and focus could also improve depending on what your current diet looks like and the changes that you put into motion.

Exercise and movement are important too.

I also recommend creating boundaries around exercise or movement that promote a healthy relationship with physical activity. It doesn’t have to be a hardcore workout. Choose things that bring you joy and make sure it aligns with your energy levels and capabilities. For some this could mean things like yoga or walking. For others it could mean swimming or kickboxing. The important part is just to get your body moving.

How to set these boundaries:

(This is where I recommend breaking out the journal to form your plan.)

Start by thinking about your current habits and areas that might need adjustment. Clearly note these boundaries to yourself. Make sure that you’re viewing your commitments to yourself with the same importance as you would view your commitments to others. Be firm in enforcing them, but also give yourself grace. It can take time to establish new normal which will probably feel very uncomfortable at first. Like I mentioned last week, our brains are wired for the familiar. So even if a new thing is super positive compared to the old thing that might even be outright toxic, our brains struggle to make the transition with ease. It does get easier- don’t give up after one hard day.

Let your boundaries adapt with you.

Just as your boundaries with others are going to change as your life and experiences change, so should the boundaries you have with yourself. Be open to adjusting them as you grow and be sure to check in every once in a while to make sure that they are still having a positive effect in your life. Again, this is where journaling can be super helpful. Pay attention to how your new boundaries make you feel and what changes you see in your life. Change them up when they’re no longer effective or practical for your situation.

You don’t have to do it alone.

Overall, the biggest thing is that by choosing self-love and well-being, you are choosing you. I applaud you for that choice and wish you all of the success. If you should need some additional help or guidance along the way, I’m here. Feel free to reach out to me. And again, I also offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for additional support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 18, 2024

Boundaries are an important part of self care.

I talk a lot about self love and self care. It’s really the whole premise of why I got into this business in the first place- to empower women to love themselves and treat themselves well. And so I wanted to write about boundaries, because in my opinion, that’s the most important version of self care that there is.

What are boundaries?

The simplest way I can think to explain boundaries would be rules for how you allow others to treat you. (And for how you treat yourself.) When you set boundaries, you’re telling the people around you what you will accept and what you won’t. They define your needs, your wants and your deal breakers. I firmly believe that these should be put into affect with every relationship in your life- romantic, friendship, professional, stranger, etc… (Though the boundaries you have with one person may be different from the ones you have with another.)

Boundaries are something that everyone should have.

It should be a given that everyone would have boundaries, but that isn’t always the case. For instance, I didn’t really have any boundaries at all for the first 29 years of my life. I’m an empath and I was a chronic people pleaser so I let people walk all over me and take advantage all of the time. It was rare that I stood up for myself or expressed my needs, and when I did, I felt guilty. It took me a really long time to realize how important boundaries were, and that they’re actually a necessity for every person looking to live a healthy life.

You’re allowed to say no.

The biggest change in going from someone without boundaries to someone with boundaries is realizing that you can say no. You don’t have to be everything for everyone anymore. Just because you’re capable of doing something doesn’t mean that you have to. Even if it wouldn’t be that hard or you can do it better than someone else, you can still say no. But it isn’t limited to just saying no, I don’t want to do that. It also involves saying no, I will not allow that or no, I’m not going to think about this or even just plain no. No is a complete sentence.

At first, it might feel selfish.

This doesn’t mean that it is. But when you’re used to saying yes all of the time, no feels uncomfortable. Give it some time and some practice and you’ll be amazed at how easy it starts to become. Eventually, you’ll accept that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to you. You’ll realize that you have more time and energy that you can spend doing the things that you want to do rather than being stressed about situations you may have been guilted into. This doesn’t mean that you can never help anyone ever again- it means you get to decide. To pick and choose.

If you always say yes to everyone else and you allow people to get away with anything and everything regardless of how you feel, you will be the one that suffers. Odds are you will find yourself exhausted, stressed and maybe even resentful. You’ll probably burn out and not be able to help anyone at all after a while, and then you’ll have to watch as the users and abusers start to disappear and leave you to fall apart because they can no longer get what they need from you.

Boundaries are a way of valuing yourself.

By setting boundaries, you’re putting an emphasis on your values and your own beliefs. You’re standing up for yourself, asking to be treated well and not settling for anything less. By saying you won’t tolerate a certain type of behavior, you’re also saying that you know you deserve better. By stating what you are comfortable with and what you are not, you’re recognizing that your feelings and opinions matter. (This is important, because it’s true!) By enforcing your boundaries, you’re requiring respect from those around you. You’re stating that you are just as worthy as the next person of being treated with consideration.

Not all boundaries need to be rigid.

There are different types of boundaries depending on the situation. Some may be make or break, absolute requirements. Others may just require some discussion or be open to compromise. The easiest way to navigate this is communication.

By communicating your boundaries with the people involved in the situation, you can figure out the best way to move forward. You may have to take other people’s boundaries into account here as well. Sometimes, a compromise may be in order. Other times, maybe it’s best to just go your separate ways. Again, it depends on the situation.

How to set boundaries

The first step would be to look at your life currently. How do people talk to you? Touch you? Interact with you? Does any of this make you uncomfortable? If so, that would be a good indication that you need to set some new boundaries. Figure out what you are comfortable with as well as what makes you anxious and start making a list. What is okay and what is not? Maybe somethings are okay with one person, but not another. As you go through the different areas of your life, you may see a need for different boundaries. That’s perfectly okay. Figure out what’s already there and what needs to change. What do you want? And what do you need?

Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to communicate those wants and needs to the people around you.

Some people are going to give you a hard time. Some may be offended and maybe even get a little hostile. That my friends, is usually a giant red flag. In my experience, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are often the people who would benefit from crossing them. They don’t want you to be strong and stand up for yourself because it means that they have to change and can no longer take advantage of you.

On the flip side, there are going to be others in your life who will embrace your new boundaries. They may even applaud you for them! Even if the new rules require some changes and effort on their end, they’ll try for you. Those are your people. Hold onto them. Because these are the people who want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and to have what’s best for you.

Boundaries can be a neat little tool for figuring out who’s who.

Boundaries can change.

Your boundaries at 20 are going to look different than your boundaries at 30 and at 40 and so on. As you go through life, you will have different experiences, different challenges, different feelings, etc. The things you go through will change your wants and needs, which means you will have to adjust your boundaries. This is totally okay. You can literally wake up one day and decide you want something different. That just means you have to set a new boundary, and be sure to communicate it to the people in your life that may need to adjust a certain behavior or expectation.

It’s really important to show yourself some compassion and patience as you figure out what you want your boundaries to be and how to enforce them. But you do have to enforce them and have actual consequences! Otherwise, people will just keep crossing them and they will inevitably be pointless. By enforcing your boundaries, you’re choosing yourself. And that’s really the best choice you could make.

I hope you choose yourself today. You deserve it.

If you’re struggling with boundaries and would like someone to work one on one with you to move forward, I’d love to work with you. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

January 12, 2024

The Eisenhower Matrix: for overcoming burnout and people pleasing

Have you been finding yourself feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and falling into the trap that is people-pleasing? Then I’ve got a powerhouse tool for you- the Eisenhower Matrix. This has been my not-so-secret weapon when it comes to conquering the chaos and I’m excited to share it with you. I talked about this in my facebook group last night, but also wanted to talk share a bit here as well.

What is the Eisenhower Matrix?

To put it simply, the Eisenhower Matrix is a framework that splits your tasks into four categories. You’ve got your Urgent and Important (Do), Important, Not Urgent (Delay), Urgent, Not Important (Delegate), and Not Urgent, Not Important (Delete.) Basically, you’re looking at all of the things on your to-do list with intention and purpose so that the list gets a whole lot shorter.

Productivity and the Eisenhower Matrix:

There’s a definite difference between being productive and being busy, but for a lot of us, that line gets blurred. The Eisenhower Matrix is a way to get some clarity. You can see what’s actually important so that rather than just trying to get things done, you’re focused on getting the right things done. It helps to be selective with what we choose to do. This helps to redefine success so that your accomplishments are more meaningful. It gives you back control so that you can be strategic and make every action count.

Avoiding Burnout with the Eisenhower Matrix:

Before I discovered the Eisenhower Matrix, I had a tendency to burn out. I wasn’t prioritizing things for my long-term goals or creating sustainable routines. Things might work for the short-term, but then I’d end up exhausted, unmotivated, and bitter. This method helped to get better with strategic planning so that I had more time and more energy. Once I was no longer drowning in the relentless hustle, I was able to stop burning the candle at both ends and feel much more connected and excited about the work that I was doing.

How it relates to People-Pleasing Behaviors:

When it comes down to it, people pleasers mostly just want to feel liked or loved. This can come at an extreme cost, because we take on way too much with little to no return. We say yes to everything and often end up neglecting ourselves which leaves us exhausted and emotionally drained. By using the Eisenhower matrix, we can be more aware of what tasks are actually worthy of our attention and align with our values and which are purely for seeking approval. This can help with setting better boundaries and saying no to the tasks that would continue to drain us. You become aware of where you’re spending your energy and no more overcommitting, which is a great way to prioritize self-love.

Another key benefit of using the Eisenhower Matrix, which can help to reduce people-pleasing, is increased self-awareness. By forcing yourself to consider each task on your to-do list, you’re able to better recognize patterns of over commitment and what sort of things you are adding to your to-do list that really shouldn’t be your burdens to bear. This awareness can help to ease the guilt that you might feel when you first start saying no.

Using this matrix is super easy.

To get started, you just have to create four sections. Label them with the four categories (do, delay, delegate and delete) and then start breaking your to-do list between them. Make sure you are assigning each one to the appropriate category- this is the hardest part in my opinion. You might be tempted to put all of your tasks under ‘do’, especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser. But if refuse to let that validation-seeking side of you win, and instead you delegate and delete ruthlessly, your entire life could change. Think about all of the things that you could do with the extra time and energy. All of the fun you can have, the relationships you can nurture, and the accomplishments you could achieve.

It’s not just a tool for success, but for total domination!

It might be a little tricky to get the hang of at first when it comes to using the Eisenhower Matrix. But if you embrace your challenges and learn from them, this could be a real game-changer for you. You learn to become solution-oriented, to adapt and conquer, and to better use your time. This in turn will help you to claim victory over your own life and make magic happen!

You don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re still struggling with overwhelm, burnout or people pleasing, I’d be happy to work with you to help you to take back control. I offer one on one coaching as well as a free facebook community for support. You can check get more info by clicking the links, and of course feel free to reach out to me with any additional questions.

Do you think you’ll give this tool a try? Let me know how it works out for you!

January 5, 2024

Choosing a Mantra: Your Intentional Guide

If you’ve been following me for a while now, you probably that I have a huge love for mantras, affirmations, and anything along those lines. Today I wanted to talk a little more about choosing a mantra and why it’s so great to have if you’re healing from PTSD, dealing with anxiety, struggling to stay focused, etc. I went live in my facebook group last night talking about choosing a mantra so I thought it made sense to come write about it here as well.

What is a mantra?

To put it simply, a mantra is a word or phrase used to help adjust your mindset and cause a certain thought to take root. This way, it can act as a guide for your thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions and reactions. Mantras have been used for ages to calm your mind, reduce stress, promote healing and help us get from Point A to Point B. (I’ve found that they can be especially helpful when healing from PTSD.)

How can a mantra help me?

A mantra can help different people in different ways. But one of the most common ways is to help to quiet the mind and reduce anxiety. That makes this really great to have in your pocket during trigger moments! When you repeat a mantra, you are focusing your mind on a single thought, which can help to quiet the other thoughts that may be causing anxiety, stress or distraction.

A mantra can help to create a sense of safety and security. For example, someone with PTSD might feel like the world is a dangerous and unpredictable place. By repeating a mantra that creates a sense of safety and security, such as “I am safe” or “I am protected,” you can begin to shift your perception of the world and feel more grounded. Similarly, someone who is feeling anxious might choose something like “I am capable” or “I can do this.”

A mantra can also help to promote healing. By repeating a mantra that promotes healing, such as “I am healing” or “I am getting better every day,” you can actually strengthen your belief in yourself and your ability to heal.

It’s important to make sure that whatever you choose feels right and powerful to you, so that it is easier to put your belief and energy behind it. The one I started with, that to be honest, I still return to when I’m feeling the need, is “Even though what happened happened, I will be okay because I am strong and I am healing.” So mine was a longer one and that worked really well for me, but you need to figure out what works best for you because different types of mantras are going to work in different ways for different people. It can also change over time. For instance, right now, my current mantra is “slow down.” It’s a very personal process.

How to use a mantra:Once you have chosen your mantra, here are some possible ways to use it:

Set your intentions.

What is it that you want to achieve? What are your goals for the mantra? Is it more self-compassion or stronger boundaries, learning to say no or maybe learning to say yes depending on the situation? Less nightmares or more positive connections? You want to create an association between this intention and your mantra so that you can stay connected. So keep this intention in the back of your mind as you repeat the mantra to yourself.

Now, this is where you have some options.

One way of doing it is to just start repeating it to yourself.

You can say it out loud, in your head, or write it down. You can set a timer for ten minutes and just sit there repeating it or you can go a more relaxed route of just saying it throughout the day when you feel stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Visuals and journaling

Create a visual of your mantra and put it somewhere that you’ll see often. It can be simple- just words on paper. Or it can be fancy and beautifully designed- whatever motivates you to look at it and take note of it. Also try writing it out again and again each day in your journal. Even if you don’t go back and read your journal entries, for many people, the simple act of writing something can help it take route deeper in your mind.

(As I mentioned in my word of the year post last week, as well as in my live training last night, I can help you to create a completely custom journal for this process, burning your mantra right into the cover! Just reach out to me if you’re interested!

Pay attention to the results

Once you’re repeating, writing, reading, hearing your mantra all the time, you want to make sure that you are paying attention to the way that you’re thinking and feeling. Notice how the mantra is effecting your life. Are you more focused and more present? Are you thinking more positively and strongly about yourself and the world around you? Making changes to be more in tune with who and where you want to be? Your mantra should be helping you to be more in touch with your goals and more in control of how you feel, act and react.

The right mantra is important.

Having a mantra can be super effective as long as you’re willing to do the work and make sure that you’re choosing the right one. Again, choose a mantra that resonates with you, set your intention, and then repeat repeat repeat.

If you need help creating the perfect mantra, you can either grab my free affirmations quiz or I have a training for that in my facebook group and I’d love to support you. Pop on over to get instant access, or shoot me a message for a direct link to the training. It’s a multi-part training that includes a lot of information about mantras, and I also guide you through two different methods of forming your perfect mantra. The goal is to leave the training with a mantra to try.

If you do create a mantra and give this a shot, feel free to come tell me how it’s working out for you because I would absolutely LOVE to hear all about it and help cheer you on.